How to mention gifts in a wedding invitation

Gifts are awkward to mention and awkward to ignore. Say nothing and you end up with three tea sets, five bouquets with nowhere to go by the end of the night, and a couple of things that head straight to the country house. Say it clumsily and part of your guest list reads the invitation as an invoice. The whole difference is in the wording.

Is it acceptable to ask for money at all

Yes, and across most of Europe it has been normal for a long time — the majority of guests were planning to hand over an envelope anyway, and they would simply rather know for sure. The awkwardness never comes from the request itself. It comes from tone: when a figure sounds like an entry fee, or when there is more written about gifts than about the wedding.

The rule that works: gifts are one short line towards the end of the invitation, not a section with justifications. And the wording is always gentle, leaving room for people to do it their own way.

Having you there is the best gift we could ask for. If you'd like to add something to it, an envelope would be very welcome — we're saving for our honeymoon.

We've lived together for five years and we have quite enough crockery. If you'd like to treat us, the loveliest gift would be a contribution to our new kitchen.

Notice that both versions give a reason. “We're saving for a trip”, “we're doing up the kitchen” — that removes the sense that you are simply collecting money, and gives the guest the pleasant feeling of contributing to something specific.

What not to write

• An amount. Not a minimum, not a “rough guide” — this is the single most common cause of hurt feelings.
• Your bank details in the invitation itself. If someone asks, you send them privately.
• Jokes about having paid for the registry office yourselves. They land far worse than they read while you are writing them.
• The word “required” anywhere near the subject of gifts.
• Long explanations of why you don't need objects — one sentence is enough.

A wish list

If you would rather receive things than envelopes, a wish list is the calmest option. It saves you from duplicates and saves your guests from an agonising choice: plenty of people are genuinely relieved when the decision has been made for them.

Spread it across price ranges: several items under €30, several in the middle, and one or two expensive ones that people can club together for. A list with nothing affordable on it puts anyone who cannot spend much in an uncomfortable position.

If you'd rather choose something specific, we've put together a short list — things we genuinely don't have at home. We'll send the link along with the details of the day.

“No flowers, please”

It is a sensible request: there is nowhere to put the bouquets, by midnight they are wilting in the car, and carrying twenty of them home is physically impossible. But it has to sound like consideration for your guests, not like a ban.

We'd be so grateful if you skipped the flowers and just came a little earlier instead — sadly there's nowhere to keep bouquets after the dinner.

Some couples offer a substitute: a single stem instead of a bouquet, a book for the shelves at home, a bottle of wine to open on the first anniversary. That works better than a prohibition — the guest still has something to give.

The practical side

Gifts need thinking about beyond the line in the invitation. Decide in advance who takes the envelopes — usually a member of the wedding party, a parent or the coordinator — and where they are kept. Otherwise envelopes migrate through handbags and pockets, and in the morning it turns out some of them are missing.

The same goes for larger presents: designate a place for them and a person who loads everything into the car at the end of the night. The newlyweds will have no attention left for logistics by then.

Where to put it

Right at the end of the invitation, after the practical details and before the request to reply. As a small separate block, in a calm tone, not set in a larger font. A guest should come across that line having read everything else — not start with it.

The rest of the text and the order it goes in is covered in the article on what to include in a wedding invitation, and ready-made phrasing is in our collection of wedding invitation wording.